JOKES

[6thstreetbrewer]

A border patrol officer is patroling the border when he happens upon an illegal trying to cross. The Mexican pleads with him not to send him back. So the officer thinks for a minute and then tells the Mexican "I'll let you cross if you can use the words green, pink and yellow in a sentence." The Mexican stops and thinks and then says that he doesn't know. "Well head on back then" the officer says. The Mexican says "Wait, wait I got it. The phone go green, green I pink it up and say yellow."

[macgruffus]

Old joke but it's all in the delivery ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWwVM1TpKvA

[hotrod38]

COME IN LATE


A guy goes to an interview for a job as a government accountant. The interviewer asks him, “Are you a veteran?”

The guy says, “Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam.”

“Good,” says the interviewer, “That counts in your favor. Do you have any service related disabilities?”

The guy says, “In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my genitals so they declared me disabled…but it doesn’t affect my ability to work, though.”

“Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in tomorrow about 10, and we’ll get you started.”

The guy says, “If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?”

“Well, here in the government offices, we don’t do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours.

No point of your coming in for that.

[ZZ]

COME IN LATE


A guy goes to an interview for a job as a government accountant. The interviewer asks him, “Are you a veteran?”

The guy says, “Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam.”

“Good,” says the interviewer, “That counts in your favor. Do you have any service related disabilities?”

The guy says, “In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my genitals so they declared me disabled…but it doesn’t affect my ability to work, though.”

“Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in tomorrow about 10, and we’ll get you started.”

The guy says, “If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?”

“Well, here in the government offices, we don’t do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours.

No point of your coming in for that.

Yeah, I LOVE my government job...

Keep paying those taxes!!

[Crut]

one of my favs from long time ago...

a magician is doing his act on stage when he calls upon someone from the audience to assist him. So a lady comes up on stage and he instructs here to swing a sledge hammer and him him in the head. She says that will kill him, but he insists, so she swings away. The magician wakes up in the hospital after coming out of a 12 year coma and hollars...



TAADAAAAAA

-Crut

[Crut]

one reason why dogs are sometimes better than women...
If you lock both your dog and wife/GF in the trunk of your car, who will be happy to see you when you open it again... thats right your dog -Crut

[Henning1966]

I laughed so hard my ass was on the floor this was posted on another board.

How to clean the toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up
And add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid.
You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home.
Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom,
And run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog

[triple-oh-six]

That's some funny shit Henning