JOKES

[Thirsty Mallard]

Son asked his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

[Thirsty Mallard]

A man and his wife were on vacation in Jerusalem when she suddenly died. The undertaker told the husband, "You can ship her back to the U.S. for burial at a cost of about $5,000, or you can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150."

The husband thought for a minute, then told them to ship her to the U.S.

The undertaker said, "Why would you spend so much to send her back when it would be so cheap to bury her in this wonderful place?"

The husband replied, "A long time ago a man died here, was buried here, and then 3 days later rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

[Dirk McLargeHuge]

Son asked his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

[BadRock]

Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

Miss Beatrice, he said, I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl.

Oh, yes, she replied, isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!?

[BadRock]

My grandson got away from me Sunday at the mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, 'I've lost my grandpa!'

The cop asked, 'What's he like?'

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
'Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.'

[BadRock]

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,
"Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,
"Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said,
" Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.
She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, and I could have given him tacos or enchiladas!
I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said,
"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch"

[Bugeater]

Sure, I stole this from another site, but I thought it was funny enough to share.

________________________________________________________________



My wife and I went to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, ' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'




My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ....Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'



My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .........You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'




My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

Honestly--------My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.



Wayne
Bugeater Brewing Company

[nakedbrewer]

Ok everybody, remember when you used to blow bubbles when you were younger? Well hes back in town and wants your number.