After so much ass hatery involving Four Loko, and in honour of the state of washington banning it, I hunted down a can of four loko. I had to goto one of the "pro" stores that I normally don't frequent. After heading home with a can of watermelon, I expected it to sit in my fridge for a few months before I could try it. At 12% ABV I figured this was the drink for a "Daddy night off". Lo and behold the wife was tired and ready for bed before me for once. Since she was going to also take care of the babies when they woke up I figured the moment for the four loko was here.
In the fine tradition of beer nerds, I shall now grace the internets with my humble review of four loko "watermelon".
The fine beverage pours a sickly pink glass with very little head retention. The color is unnatural red reminding me of a bad prescription drug interaction with my urine stream.
The nose is exactly like a watermelon jolly rancher. Considering I'm a bit of a sugar head, hope was raised that I might enjoy this glass.
My fucking god is the taste bad. Beyond the standard hard liquor involuntary nose fart I typically experience, my head began to swim in sympathy for my stomach immediately after the first sip. Thinking this might just take some "getting used to" I tried another sip. This time my stomach gave a flip flop on the first sip. My logical side now started to kick into overdrive with warnings being issued about the dangers of drinking antifreeze.
Now well into the third sip, I can now report the chemical mix of four loko has dulled the logical side of my brain enough that I don't fucking care about drinking antifreeze. The warm buzz of impending doom has taken hold.
I've had heartburn since I was 15 or so. Thanks to modern surgery, I've had my stomach configuration enhanced so as to prevent acid from rolling up my esophagus and causing me grief. Since the surgery I can eat anything I want really. Screaming hot curry? No problem bring it on. Now at the fourth sip the sickly pink automatic transmission fluid is threatening to undo the gains modern medicine has made for me.
Bringing in some chip reinforcements to balance out the scum building in my gut I attempted one more sip before taking a break.
