JOKES

[Charlie]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

[Bugeater]

[Bugeater]

[speed]

...

[Chupa LaHomebrew]

Speed. That is just a stupid fucking racist joke. It's not even funny, so I guess that just leaves you with racist.

[Bugeaterdaughter]

Here's a really messed up one my best friend told me a few days ago. Hes such a perv.

What do you call nuts on the wall?
Wallnuts
What do you call nuts on your chest?
Chestnuts
What do you call nuts on your chin?
Deep throat

[bloberglawp]

I thought it was "aggggrlll... gasp cough cough". Too much?

[Bugeater]

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."

To which the astonished woman replies, I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."

So saying, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation.

They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no friggin’ problem, dammit!" the man says; "I just won $50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?