JOKES

[Bugeater]

$7.00 SEX


A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says,
“There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."
He thanks them for coming and wishes them good luck,

He charges them $50 and says good bye!!
The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says,
"I'm sorry, but I have to ask.
Just what are you trying to find out???”

The man says, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house.
I'm married too, and we can't go to my house ".
“SO…….we come here because”…………


The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50
and I get $43 back from Medicare

[bloberglawp]

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM - she's the richest woman in the world!

Then the frog inquired about her third wish and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

I found the ending to this joke.



Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.



Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.















The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife




Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.



Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show



PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

this is why my version has the wife ask the frog to have one thug beat her half to death

[TheMadHopper]

Finally bought my wife breast implants. Those things are great! I've been playing with them every day for the last month!
Her birthday is next month. I think I'll give them to her then.

[bleachcola]

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

[tavish2]

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

huh???

[shunt]

How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages.....

English
I Love You
Spanish
Te Amo

French
Je T'aime

German
lch Liebe Dich

Japanese
Ai Shite Imasu


Thai
Phom rak khun


Italian
Ti amo


Chinese
Wo Ai Ni

Swedish
Jag Alskar

Alabama
Arkansas
Kansas
Oklahoma
Texas
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Tennessee
Missouri
Mississippi
Louisiana
Virginia
West Virginia
Kentucky
and parts of New Mexico
Nice Ass , Get in the truck .

[Sam Scott]

"Mom? I've got a question. The guys at school are using words I don't understand."
"What words, dear?" "Pussy and Bitch.."
Mom inhaled sharply, but then said: "Oh, that's easy. A pussy is a cat, like our little Chico.

A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy." "Thanks, Mom.."

He then found his Dad out in the garage. "Dad, the guys at school are using words I don't understand." "What words, son?"
"Pussy and bitch. I asked Mom, but I don't think she told me the right meanings."

Dad said: "Son, never ask your mother about these things, ask me instead.
Let me explain it like this." He pulled a Playboy from his workbench,
turned to the centerfold, drew a circle around the pubic area
and said: "Son, everything inside the circle is pussy."

"Okay, Dad. Then what's a bitch?"
Dad replied: "Everything outside the circle."

[bleachcola]

huh???

Do they not have religion in the Pacific Northwest? Google it.