JOKES

[speed]

does your dad know you are posting dirty jokes on here? tell wayne hi for me

[speed]

2 transients were walking down the railroad tracks and one said, hey yesterday was the best day of my life, i found a dollar. the other one said i had a good day too, i found a girl tied to the railroad tracks so i untied her and we had sex all afternoon. the first guy said, did you get a blowjob? and the other one said, no i couldn't find her head.

[Dubba_Brew]

2 transients were walking down the railroad tracks and one said, hey yesterday was the best day of my life, i found a dollar. the other one said i had a good day too, i found a girl tied to the railroad tracks so i untied her and we had sex all afternoon. the first guy said, did you get a blowjob? and the other one said, no i couldn't find her head.

[TheMadHopper]

If Helen Keller had ESP, would you say that she had a "fourth sense?"

[speed]

did you know helen keller had a horse? neither did she.

[Billy Klubb]

you know what Helen Keller said about the cheese grater? it was the most violent thing she's ever read.

[scratchypants]

So this guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but Saran wrap, so the doctor says "well, I can clearly see your nuts".












Try to ignore the spelling mistake.

[hotrod38]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could barely speak. After the mass he asked the monsignor for his opinion on how he had done. The monsignor replied, ” When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit during mass, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday the priest took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. The priest proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, the priests found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say ” Eat me”

12. The Virgin Mary is not called ” Mary with the Cherry,.

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.