JOKES

[speed]

thats just too funny, my wife works in a bank, i got to tell her that one

[jwatkins56550]

Do your like fish sticks?

Your a gay fish.

[rhino777]

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

[Bugeater]

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in
or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’

The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give
you a twenty-year life span.’

The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years?
That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like
the Dog did?’

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s
family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’

The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you
twenty years.’

But man said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty,the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and
the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

[BayouBrew]

That's way too deep to be a joke. I guess the jokes on us.

[Charlie]

That's way too deep to be a joke. I guess the jokes on us.

Amen, bro!

Charlie

[Bugeater]

Maybe this video should give you a few laughs.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x24irz ... -justforla

Wayne

[Bugeaterdaughter]

There's a eighty-five year old guy who goes to a doctor and asks "hey do you have anything that will help me get it up?" the doctor says "why?" The old man says "because i want to have sex one last time before I die." the doctor says "well usually i dont do this but in your case i will make an exception." old man goes "oh thank you thank you so much." doctor says "call me later tonight and tell me how it went." old man goes "ok i will" and goes home. Later that night the old man called the doctor and says "guess what? Ive Cum three times already." doctor said "the hooker must be astounded." old guy goes "shes not here yet".........