JOKES

[BadRock]

Bub's got a similar vase!

[triple-oh-six]

:shock:

Bub's got a similar vase!

Are you calling his car pussy?

[SacoDeToro]

Here's my contribution to the joke tote:

Q: What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

A: Gang rape.

[TimC]

Old Guys Don't Care

As we age, we tend to end up seeing more of the medical establishment.
For example, my internist referred me to a female urologist.
I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous.
She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy.
She told me that I have to stop masturbating.
When I asked her why, she said,
'Because I'm trying to examine you...'

[Bugeater]

Murder at WalMart

So, here's the story. . ..



Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.

Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...



(You're going to hate me for this .... ) scroll down....



























'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!'



Oh, quit groaning!

I don't write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you.

Wayne

[Thirsty Mallard]

I love corny humor... keep 'em comin' Boog!

[Gridiron Brewer]

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender to line him up a dozen shots of tequila. The bartender does so and the man downs all 12 of them. Then the bartender asks, "What's with all those shots?" The man says, "I just had my first blow job!" "Let me get you another one on the house," exclaims the bartender. The man replies, "Nope, if those first 12 didn't get the taste out of my mouth, another won't either!"



So a woman walks into a bar and orders 12 shots of whiskey. She pounds them all down, passes out, and everyone in the bar bangs her. Next night, same woman walks in the bar, orders 12 shots of whiskey. She pounds them all down, passes out, and everyone in the bar bangs her. Following night, the same woman walks in the bar, orders 12 shots of tequila. The bartender asks, "Tequila, I thought you drank whiskey?" The woman replies, "I did, but whiskey makes my pussy hurt!"

[CoreySmith]

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it– stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt.” “That’s when I made my big mistake.” “What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I lifted the cow’s tail again and yelled to my wife, “Hey, this looks like yours!” “I don’t remember much after that!”