JOKES

[Crut]

Badrock was going to be married to Vanna so his Father sat him down for a
little chat.

He said, 'Badrock, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our
honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said,
'Here - try these on'.'

She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.'

I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
'Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.

'Hmmm,' said Badrock. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Badrocktook off his pants and said to Vanna, 'Here, try
these on.'

She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'

Badrock said , 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Vanna took off her panties and handed them to Badrock. She said,
'Here you try on mine.'

He did and said, 'I can't get into your panties.'

Vanna said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude,
you never will.'

there, I fixed it to the original wording
-Crut

[Bugeater]

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."

The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."

"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.

The third nun said, "Oh shit."

[BadRock]

Badrock was going to be married to Vanna so his Father sat him down for a
little chat.

He said, 'Badrock, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our
honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said,
'Here - try these on'.'

She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.'

I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
'Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.

'Hmmm,' said Badrock. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Badrock took off his pants and said to Vanna, 'Here, try
these on.'

She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'

Badrock said , 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Vanna took off her panties and handed them to Badrock. She said,
'Here you try on mine.'

He did and said, 'I can't get into your panties.'

Vanna said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude,
you never will.'

there, I fixed it to the original wording
-Crut

Now that's funny, right there!

[budrockdiesel]

A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness.

The man suspected his wife was having an affair, and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and the cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.

The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouted, 'Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I gave you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your season Pittsburgh Steeler tickets. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays for the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cabby and said, 'What would you do?'

The cabby said, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches a cold.

[Bugeater]

A girls first time
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

[Mylo]

Excellent. Penthouse forum meets BN forum!

Doc should really use different words when he tells his wife about a new patient that he worked on. He's liable to get a punch in the mouth and need some work done himself.


Mylo

[tavish2]

A girls first time
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

are you reading from JP's diary?

[hotrod38]

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling self conscious on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. Finally, she had him arrested.

The case went before a court. When asked why he acted in such a rude manner, the man explained, “When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant. At first she sat under an advertisement which read, “Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins”. Then she moved under one that read, “Sloans Liniments Remove Swelling.” I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read, “William’s Stick Did The Trick.” Finally, I could no longer control myself when on the fourth move, she sat under sign that read, “Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.” He won the case.