Beer Forum

Three men dressed like Superman were pretending to direct traffic on Story street at midnight.

A person who reported that a mountain lion was outside of a cabin at 6:45am called back to say that it was actually a black bear.

Good ol Montucky. Never lets you down.

those rival my all time favorite headline of the Columbia basin harold (shitty moses hole newspaper).
"Man loses toe in gunfight over last taco."
Turns out the guy who lost the toe was my neighbor Leroy's cousin... Leroy was a rehabilitating crack addict.

I've been watching to add some more, but we haven't had any real 'good' ones in the last couple days.

Our paper uses the police reports to sell papers by editing and omitting - I've been witness to a couple that were completely wrong & edited to make them sound funnier/crazier & I've also had to report a couple (like a large fire at a big lumber yard) that were never even mentioned. They even have a book compiled of some of the craziest ones over the last several years. For sale of course. It doesn't help that we have some citizens who will call in over the stupidest things as well.

Some excerpts:

A patrol car collided with an animal this morning on Amsterdam Road. The suspect was listed as “Doe, a deer, a female deer.” — Nov. 18, 1994

A man in the 700 block of Mountain View Drive complained because his girlfriend’s husband keeps stopping by. — Sept. 8, 1997

A mother on South 23rd Avenue wanted her daughter cited for returning home late. — Oct. 19, 2005

The paper isn't out yet this morning, but I glanced at the online version which just got put up... pretty mild this morning.

A woman wanted it on record that a lady was acting “belligerent” after they both opened their car doors at the same time.

How the hell does Barney Fife keep up with all those criminals in your area? Wish our crime log read like that.

Usually it's just a lot of stupid drunk people. Pissing in the middle of main street, guy wakes up to stranger sleeping on his couch (no charges, just pick him up & take him home), laying in someone's front lawn (or the middle of main street), etc.

This time of year it gets even dumber. People calling 911 because there's a bear on their lawn. Almost every year I see a news article from the police to the citizens telling them to stop, a black bear in your yard or knocking over your trashcan does not qualify as an emergency. You live in Montana. It's a bear. That's what bears do. Stop putting stuff in your trash that will attract them & leave it alone. Even if you don't put food in the trash, they're still going to come inside city limits to forage, but they won't hang around your place as long. That's what bears do. If this sounds complicated, move back to California.

Ok, that last line was all me, but after a dozen plus reports already & the season's just barely (bear-ly?) started, you know the 911 op's are thinking it. We did get a little snow today, but they're not going to be settling down to hibernate for several more weeks.

I don't know, I think you need a bear patrol like in the episode of The Simpsons.

peas_and_corn wrote:I don't know, I think you need a bear patrol like in the episode of The Simpsons.

Don't remember that episode, but we do have a bear patrol. Bears patrol the city's trash cans and fruit trees every fall