Here is another of my favorites...
Guy walks into a bar, sits down and says, "Bartender, let's get a round of whiskey shots for me and everyone in here and one for yourself as well!" So the bartender pours the shots, and everyone gives a hearty toast to the kind gentleman. The bartender says, "Ok, that will be $40." The man says, "Huh? I don't have any money." The bartender gets angry kicks the guys ass a little and throws him out of the bar onto the sidewalk. Ten minutes later the guy comes back in the bar, sits down and says "Bartender, let's get a round of whiskey shots for me and everyone in here... but none for you... you get violent when you drink!"
Which reminds me of this one...
Two guys are in a bar on the 21st floor of a building. The one guy says to the other, "Hey, you know that because of the spacing of these buildings you can literally jump out the window and as you fall, the updraft will pick you back up and send you right back up." The second guy says, "Yeah, right." So the first guy says, no, I will prove it... watch." So he goes to the window, jumps out and starts falling. Just as he gets close to the ground, he is lifted all the way back up to the window that he jumped from." The second guy says, "Wow that was amazing!" The first guy says, "Go ahead, give it a try!" So the second guy jumps out of the window... falls... falls... and then... splat. A third guy in the bar turns and says, "You know Superman, you can be a real jerk when you drink."
"If beer and women aren't the answer, then you're asking the wrong questions." -Anonymous
BN Army Corporal; Southern Support - Gulf Coast Division
Texas is better than your state. Fact.