OH DEAR GOD... BTW Quite Graphic...
Soooo In-Laws arrived today, going to be here till New Years Day. Not really relevant to the story other than a timing issue...
Chloe came out of the turlit and said that was weird, it was like the toilet plugged but it didn't, Ok promptly ignored.
So after kids are in bed and in-laws settle down to watch TV with us I felt the need to return my burrito... Knowing that our toilets have the tendancy to plug if you over do it with paper I did a pre-flush so I could make sure my chassis was sparkling when I was done... Well things just didn't sound right so I looked and sure enough the tide was coming in!. Pants around ankles I snapped into action, this after all is why we have a plunger right there... Well the plunger just wasn't doing ANYTHING... I must have tried for 5 solid minutes and things were getting desperate... Well there was only 1 thing to do, pull up my pants, go to another bathroom and finish, grab the rubber gloves and the pipe snake and go to work.
So I get downstairs and for whatever reason the bowl was empty! Don't get excited, I knew it was still plugged and I KNOW this toilet, I can flush to get enough water, it won't overfill and I can try plunging again. Little did I know that the toilet was so plugged that my plunging was actually shooting water up into the tank thereby filling it with poo water and a whole lot fuller than normal. So I flush to get enough to plunge with, and you guessed it, Niagra poo! So standing in fecal soup trying to get the damn water turned off and yelling to my wife to grab "ALL THE FUCKING TOWELS IN THE HOUSE... NOW" I get the floor covered in towels and try plunging again, with the sole result of getting more shitwater on the floor... Fast forward 10 minutes of snaking, swearing and sweating and NO RESULTS! Long story short the fucking snake wouldn't feed through the trap, our toilet is quite a tight bend apparently. F. U. C. K. My only choice at this point is to go to the store and get a new wax ring cause I was going to have to pull the poo cauldron and dig out the plug. I get 2 wax rings and bring all my tools up with more towels and plenty of disposable medical gloves and some garbage bags and get to work.
Step 1 shove towels into the butt chili so I can pull the bowl... straight into the garbage bag for a triple wash with bleach.
Step 2 Yank the can
Step 3... OMG, WTF, ETC... I had to DIG WITH MY HANDS, poo out of the bottom of the toilet, I used the pipe snake to CHOP IT UP so I could get it loose enough. It was the consistency of modeling clay, no not play doh that would have been much too easy this was HARD. 15 minutes of chopping and hand picking wads of dookie had me thoroughly disgusted, and remember ladies and gentlemen I have had my arm up countless animals rectums. That was like a prom date compared to this debacle... Oh and my glove broke... SKEEVED OUT!
Well after much cleanup and more cleanup and swearing and some heebie jeebies I re-installed the toilet. Threw 1/3 of the towels in the wash for their first go-round and upstairs for a nice Silkwood Shower (RIP Karen).
Check out the MTP YouTube page in a couple of days for the "How To Fix Your Toilet" video (severely lacking poo shots BTW, I would have shown them I just didn't want to risk the camera getting violated.

Damn... of course it's more amusing in my mind, because as I see it, it's Lipsticember, so you are doing this all with a mural of an Advent calendar on your chest.... and no pants.

This can only happen when your inlaws are visiting
How many times did you wash the towels? Fucking Gross!
My heart goes out to you Bub. Poor bastard! Can you even get hammered with the inlaws around?
Merry Chistmas!

pics or it didn't happen....





what?


That sounds shit man...!

Sooo.. whose shit was the offending shit?

Video coming soon... It was the daughters baseball sized turd that was the offender.

BUB

Maybe Santa should leave some metamucil in the stocking this year? It's always my daughter that plugs the turlit too.

Oh God, is this my future? My daughters are only 2 and 5 and can already pass stuff the size of tomato paste cans. How is that even possible?