Here's a classic for you then...


A guy walks into a bar. Ouch.

Here are a few that are funny if told out loud preferably in a large group...

Did you know women have three types of orgasms? There's the positive, "Oh yes! Oh yes!" There's the holy, "Oh God! Oh God!" And there's the fake, "Oh Justin! Oh Justin!"

Hey Justin, did you know they're putting serial numbers on condoms now...... no? Hmm, I guess you never have to roll them down that far.

(Obviously you can insert your own unsuspecting friend's name in there)

A horse walks into a bar and sits down, bartender looks up and says, "hey, why the long face?". AHAHAHAHAHAHA

what's the first thing a woman does after leaving a battered woman's shelter?

the dishes, if she knows what's good for her.

how many californian's does it take to change a light bulb?

1

1 to hold the bulb and then the rest of the world can revolve around them.

A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. "Mom", the boy asks, "What's a pussy?"

The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "Son, that is a pussy." the son then asks "What's a bitch?" The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says "Son, this is a bitch."

The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says "Dad, what's a pussy?" The father doesn't want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says "Son, this is a pussy!"

The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks "Then, what is a bitch?"

The dad replies, "That's everything outside the circle!"

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

So a guy walks into a bar, obviously depressed. He sits down next to beautiful woman (also a little depressed looking) and orders a drink. Well, after a few drinks, these two start talking.

The woman asks, "What's wrong?"

They guy responds, "My wife left me. Apparently I'm too kinky!"

The woman responds, "What a coincidence! My husband left me because I was too kinky!"

After a few more drinks they decide to go back to her place to have some kinky fun. As they walk into her apartment she says, "wait right here, while I go into the bedroom and slip into something interesting."

She comes out 15 minutes later in a latex suit, handcuffs, nipple clamps, and a whip to find the guy walking out the door.

"What's wrong?!?"

He responds, "Well, I fucked your dog and shit in your purse... I'm done."

Two guys walk into a bar...which is stupid, because the second guy should have seen it coming!