I'm new and shit blah balh balhbalbhlabhl.

SO I've only done two shitty batches, both extract partial boil dry yeast piece of shit beers.

I've been hardcore listening to the Sunday Show from the start, 2-3 episodes of day and I love it and I felt it's really been helping me out.

I'm liking all this talk of yeast starters and doing a full boil and temp controlled fermentation increasing the quality of my brew so I decide to buy all things needed to do so and I try to do a starter the night before I brew (RIGHT NOW).

I'm still on the early episodes and hear Jamil say do a two liter yeast starter so I buy a 2000 ml erlenmeyer flask. Is this sufficient to pull of a 2 liter yeast starter?

Round one: Didn't work out so well. I boiled 2000 ml of water and just before the boil tried to add a portion of the 6 ounces of dme I was going to use with a terrible idea of a funnel made out of a paper plate. Got a boil over and another layer of malt on my stove and a crack in my flask.

Round two: Went to Fred Piece of Shit Meyer to get a funnel and they didn't have one. So I got a funnel in the auto dept. Boiled about 1200 ml of water in a pot and used 3 ounces of dme. Everything seemed to go kinda half ass decent and after about a 15 minute boil I transfered the wort via funnel into the flask leaving me with about 1000 ml of wort. I plan on waiting til tomorrow morning to pitch the yeast into the starter because I heard Jamil say this is ok.

I'm concerned because I watched a youtube video of a guy doing a yeast starter and resulting wort looked much better than mine. It looked like beer and had crazy head. Mine looks like dirty soap water and piss. At this point it's too late to do a gravity reading so I feel fucked.

Also my jerkoff roommate slammed some leftovers on my smack pack while it was trying to expand. Now it's as flat as my ass. SHOULD I WORRYABOUT THIS SHIT? I would relax and not worry and have a homebrew if any of my past brews were drinkable.

THANKS AND TAKE HER EASY

Don't go loko 4 loko, I think you're ok. The smackpack's fine as long as it didn't burst or leak in any way. As long as you covered the starter with sanitized foil or something similar I wouldn't worry about the starter wort either. Just pitch the yeast when the wort is cool and at least 24 hours before you're done brewing. As long as the wort's clean it doesn't have to look like filtered beer.

For the amount of yeast to pitch specific to the beer you're brewing: http://www.mrmalty.com/calc/calc.html

When in doubt, smell the starter. If it smells yeasty/beery and not "off" - you should be fine.

Thanks for the response. Also I can notice a good amount of the dme at the bottom of the flask. I'm assuming I didn't boil it long enough for all of it to dissolve into solution. Could this be it? Should I just do another starter wort?

The narrow opening of the flask can cause some problems for adding DME to it. I just take 2000ml of water and mix in about 2 cups of DME in a bowl first, and then pour it into the flask. Also, picking up the anti-foam drops is a must. No more boil over. I boil for 10 minutes or so and then take it straight to my sink where i have an ice bath waiting for it. I have a thermometer with a big dial that is just about perfect for covering the opening of the flask, so i just boil with the thermometer in and just leave it in while its cooling so i know when it gets to the temp i want. That makes it easy for me and has worked pretty good so far. Don't get to upset. It might take a couple times but you will be able to do it in your sleep soon.

Good chance that is yeast on the bottom of the flask, NOT DME.

Or break material

Yeah, dude, if you pitched the yeast, the layer on the bottom is probably just that, yeast. You should give the flask a few swirls every so often to keep as much of the yeast in suspension as possible.

I haven't actually pitched the yeast yet. I did the starter wort last night and was going to do it this morning but was so discouraged by how shitty it looked that I just said fuck it. So I think what has collected at the bottom of the flask is dme that didn't dissolve. Yes?